Tuesday, February 17, 2009
You Can't Pick Your Friend's Nose
After some six months of teething-type behaviours (eg., excessive drooling, gnawing, sleeplessness and general misery), Small Fry is finally growing a top tooth. Trouble is, it appears to be an eye tooth. What kind of kid only has an eye tooth? He's going to look like Bucky Katt. The other kids are totally going to call him names! Well, okay, so he doesn't know any other kids, but his parents are totally going to call him names.
Can Opener. White Fang. Jewel. And that's just off the top of my head!
But does teething adequately explain his penchant for consuming (or attempting to consume) inedibles? Lint puffs, toilet paper, rocks, shoelaces, cardboard, car keys, Monopoly money, potting soil, the gDiapers swish stick, pastry brushes, buttons, spiders, socks, and of course, the ubiquitous floor Cheerio - the kid has tried them all.
"Does baby want some food?" "No thanks, Lunch Lady, but how about some everything else?"
(Use your best Lois and Stewie voices to enact the above exchange.)
Sure, maybe it's just teething, but since I'm all alone here with my thoughts and my crazed chewing machine of a baby... what if it's pica?
OK, I just checked Wikipedia, probably not pica. But hey, did you know that the consumption of mucus is called mucophagy? Makes it sound like a disorder or something. It's always been my belief that it's just something you do in private, like masturbating, or singing Linda Ronstadt tunes, or eating two litres of ice cream at one sitting.
Not that I do any of those things.