Secondly, and not unrelated to my first point: keep your
tetanus shots up to date, everyone.
Now on to my most important thought: a field
points system. If you've ever done a points-based diet program you may associate
points with the relentless drawing-down of your calorie ceiling for the day
(i.e., in a generally negative light), but as a seasoned dieter I am SO over
that shit so the sky is the limit here - you can collect all the field points
you can stuff in in a day, and celebrate every delectable one. Taking back points, yeah!
Originally I had envisioned this as field Bingo, but realised my idea to have
Achillea millefolium as the free space might not translate well to all
field folks. With the points system, we can all share in some commonly
encountered outdoor delights while still tailoring the points to suit our
respective disciplines. And I say disciplines, but to be clear, outdoorspeople
of all stripes are welcome to participate - this is an equal opportunity game!
Common-ground points developed to date are as follows:
- Toss your shovel over a
fence and it lands sticking up out of the ground - 2 points
- Step over a
barbed-wire fence - under 5', 3 points; 5'0" to 5'6", 2 points; 5'6" to
6', 1 point; over 6', quit showing off, no points for you
- Pretend to wear an
antler shed on your head - with audience (including collection of photographic
or video evidence), 1 point; without audience, 3 points
- Perfect weather - 4 points
- Find a working pencil,
Sharpie, lighter, or other small, useful item on the ground and add it to your
kit - 4 points
- Eat a nice snack from nature (e.g., raspberries) - 2 points
- Eat a
nice snack from agriculture (e.g., peas) - 2 points
- Eat a not-very-nice snack,
any land use (e.g., silage corn, spruce needles) - hey, at least you tried! 3
points
- Eat a potentially dangerous snack from nature (e.g., psilocybes, roadkill) - no
points assigned for liability reasons, but I can't wait to hear about your
interesting life choices over drinks one day (my treat)
- Find a place that would
be *perfect* for outdoor sex - 3 points
- Make an interesting cross-disciplinary
discovery or observation (e.g., identify a cool beetle, decide you prefer sandy
loam to loam) - 2 points
- Past You saves Current You's ass by stashing exactly
the right contingency item for your present situation in your gear somewhere
(e.g., non-perishable food item, extra moleskin) - 2 points
- Pay the favour
forward to Future You by remembering to restock your field vest when you get
back for the day - 2 points
- Nerd completely out over something only you and,
like, twelve other people in the world would care about - 5 points
- A well-timed weather day in the middle of a long field stint - 5 points
- Particularly
scenic field pee - women, 2 points; men, 1 point (it's too easy for the
nozzle-equipped so unfortunately I'm unable to award full points here)
- Particularly robust, relaxing and/or scenic field poop - all genders, 10 points
This is a
living list so feel free to share your common-ground points ideas, and
definitely don't be shy about developing custom points to suit your own personal
or professional experiences. A botanical example: Find a rare plant while peeing - 3 points. You do you!
In the spirit of clearly
separating this points system from the dieting world I wanted to keep it super positive
so I've avoided negative points - I trust you to know the days when you really
deserve a second beer at dinner - but you can add them if you feel the need.
I've also considered whether there should be prizes for field points, but some of these things are naturally a bit subjective so the
accounting could get tricky. Unless you want to submit your field poops
to an oversight committee for official tallying I think we're going to have to
settle for the honour system.
Happy counting, field friends! I can't wait to
hear about your record-points days - and your second-beer days, too.
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