Thursday, February 19, 2009

Advancements in the Field of Physics

We all remember a certain outstanding physical trait of mine, as detailed in Frecklicious Eps. 1, Bra Shopping, but perhaps you didn't know that I also consider myself somewhat artistic. And in the interests of visually breaking up my large expanse of canvas, so to speak, I wear a lot of v-necked shirts.

V-necked shirts, however, happen to be perfect vehicles for your infant or small child to subject you to public disrobing. (Say, at the mall. Good thing I just went bra shopping.) But it wasn't until a friend of mine recently complained of her four- and six-year-old step-daughters exposing her, er...
canvases at the swimming pool that it struck me, like an apple on the head:

The Force of Grabbity.

Theory: this force is as unique to infants and small children as the protective slime coating they secrete, and - like a tadpole's tail - diminishes with age. (My eight-year-old, for instance, hasn't pulled my shirt off in years. Plus, she's hardly slimy at all anymore!) I propose that The Force may also be related to their propensity for (dare I say it?)
grabbitating toward any dangerous, disgusting or embarrassing objects within a hundred-metre radius, and may be inversely related to arm length, as the inception of the ability to wipe their own butts directly coincides with a reduction in such behaviours as litterbox diving and battery licking.

(OK, so maybe "embarrassing" sticks around a bit longer, but how are they to know they're playing air guitar with a vibrator? The only one embarrassed is you, and possibly your visiting Great Aunty Beatrice. Totally subjective.)

But I'm telling you, once they can wipe their own butts you are practically

1 comment:

  1. Grabbity? Does that word play in Scrabble???