Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Technologically Unvanced

I appreciate technology. I'm happy that I can send my thoughts out into the blogosphere, by the light of a CFB, whilst my dishwasher makes sounds generally only made by vessels about to enter into orbit. I'm happy that someone invented the French press; that warm(ish) water comes out of my taps; and that soft-serve ice cream exists in harmony with stretch fabrics.

But aside from the most basic forms of technology - I can work a garlic press pretty good - I have to admit to a certain lack of finesse. For instance, when we bought a new car about a year ago, I couldn't get the trunk to open. The button says 'HOLD', which I took to be a hoity-toity term for the trunk. Turns out it means... uh... 'hold'. The verb. For months I tried to 'press' (verb) the button in order to gain entry into the 'hold' (noun).

And when I went to buy Small Fry a play phone so he would stop pestering me for the real one all the time, I grabbed the first thing I found that was rectangular in shape and had number buttons. Having not owned a television set for nearly a decade, I only discovered my mistake when Medium Fry wondered aloud to Small Fry why mommy kept talking to the remote.

AND when I finally decided to invest in one of those new-fangled "mobile telephones" a couple of weeks ago... actually, my ego is still pretty tender from the humiliation of it. Maybe another day. But seriously, what right did that young whippersnapper have to make me feel like such a complete freak of nature? Hasn't anyone told him someone's first time should be gentle? And why IS the "on" button camouflaged like that, anyways?

So I'm a dinosaur. So sue me. You know, there's a very good reason why young people can pick up new techy shtuff quicker than cat hair on a clean pair of pants: their brains are mostly empty. It's like a brand-new computer - lots of room. Works real good. Until, that is, it hits a certain point at which it becomes so bogged down with school/ activity/ vaccination/ poop schedules, what food groups have been consumed this week, and the words to Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, that any new input is likely to cause a complete system meltdown.

Sadly, friends, I've reached that point. If only I could free up some disk space, surely I could rule the world.

1 comment:

  1. Having been soundly thrashed by my 8 year old at a Wii game this weekend, I can sympathize. But I offer you this observation: as you say, their brains are practically empty and so they can focus on things that we adults can't; their hard drives are vastly empty.

    Now, my experience with my laptop is that the more I cram into it - the less free space I have - the heavier it seems to get. I know that the magnetic realignment of "bits" on the hard drive platters shouldn't (can't) cause an increase in weight, but I swear the thing is heavier now then when it was mostly empty. And to further the comparison, my brain is vastly more full than it was when I was a kid, and I'm correspondingly heavier.

    So, when I get older and if I get senile and lose mental "fullness", pull out this post and read it. Then rush over and have me weighed. Or plunk me down in front of a "wii of the future" and see if I can beat my kid then.