Thursday, November 19, 2009

Tall, Dark and Handsome

Know what the best thing about pregnancy is?

Actually, I was going to tell you something else, but it just occurred to me that the very best thing about being pregnant is that I'm not.

The second best thing is stretchy pants that are designed to look like real-people pants* (*everyone knows you're not actually human when you're pregnant). I loved my stretchy pants. So comfy! So forgiving! I wept a little when I finally had to give them up and venture again into the cold and unforgiving realm of The Muffin Top.

Know what the worst thing about Muffin Tops is? The damn cutesy name. The juxtaposition of 'adorably delicious name' against 'rather disturbing reality' makes it seem all the worse, don't you think? Like "Vegemite", or "Kirstie Alley".

Anyways, I managed to snag some precious time away from the children (!) last weekend by going Christmas shopping with my Aunt. Or at least that's what I told DH, but the joke's on him. Not only am I done Christmas shopping, but all the purchases I ended up making were for me!

Oh, damn. He reads this.

Uhhh... I hadn't intended it that way dear, honest. It just went all Pig A Pancake on me - an eggnog latte led to some conversation, and that conversation led to some browsing, and that browsing led to some trying on, and before you knew it I had fallen head over heels in love with a tall, dark and handsome... pair of real-people slacks.

With a stretchy waist.

And I'm not even pregnant.

Oh my gawd, my panties just evaporated from the sheer joy of it. I haven't been this happy since I last went bra shopping.

I bought three pair of these miraculous pants, and I must say I looked simply fabulous at work this week. Some people suffer for fashion, and I'm not going to correct those who may say it of me now that I have my beautiful, Muffin Top-Eliminating pants to wear, but only I knew how comfortable I was! At frequent intervals I would grab a camera or some other useful object, and stride briskly (but fashionably) around the office. Occasionally I would pause to gaze thoughtfully (also fashionably!) at a wall map.

The trick is to go once clockwise, then once counter-clockwise so it looks like you've completed whatever Very Important Task you were working on. To mix things up, you might try executing a dashing turn at the photocopier, or stylishly selecting an item from the supply room. And don't worry about eating that danish for breakfast! These pants can take it.

(P.S. It would be cruel not to tell you - you can buy your own at Reitman's.)

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