Saturday, May 23, 2009


Don't ask me how the conversation got started - I assure you it has nothing to do with anyone in this household getting the occasional cold sore... which incidentally, I feel is one of those things that should be included in some sort of pre-relationship disclosure form, because, not speaking from experience, it's a pretty rude thing to have sprung on you a few years in. Anyway, DH and I somehow got on the topic of communicable diseases. He thought scabies was an STD, while I was pretty sure it was some sort of skin disease. Naturally, we Googled it and - also natch - I was right.

In the event you ever find yourself in the midst of a similar debate with someone you love, scabies is an itchy, contagious skin disease caused by parasitic mites.

"Okay," conceeded DH, "but isn't there some sort of STD that sounds like scabies?"
Yes there is, DH:
Babies are sexually transmitted. And I think that if everyone truly understood that concept, really got it in all its true, terrifying depth, there would be a lot less sex going on.

Ironically, reduced sexual activity is a common side effect of Babies - damned if you do, damned if you don't, eh? - though I suppose whether or not Babies conforms to the definition of disease is primarily a matter of semantics and/or one's mental condition after yet another Babies-induced sleepless night.

Other common symptoms/side effects of Babies:
- deep, abiding envy of species whose young reach maturity and leave home within weeks of birth;
- pervasive, vaguely diaperish odour about the home;
- poor feng shui (i.e., living room furniture arranged with the sole purpose of covering plus-ins);
- heating vents populated with Cheerios;
- persistent shar-pei-like entity affixed to abdomen.

Spread the word, man, this Babies stuff is deadly. And if you already count yourself among the afflicted, don't worry - I hear it clears up in 18-27 years.

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