Frankly, I'd Probably be Happy if I Could Get in 5 to 10 a Month

I just love the Calgary Farmer's Market. So it was with a heavy heart that I visited this week, likely one of the last few times I'll shop there before it moves to Timbuktu (i.e., southeast Calgary).

However, my mood started to improve somewhere around the fruit stand - I had been waffling between Galas and Ambrosias, when suddenly a provocative new apple variety caught my eye. Something about this particular bag of apples just seemed so... titillating. With their sensual curves and come-hither exocarps, I simply couldn't resist the temptation:

Now, as I understand it, people don't just go around naming apples willy-nilly. Apple names are purposefully descriptive: they are intended to convey meaning about what one can expect on biting into the apple. Knowing this, eight teensy dollars for a sack o' horney crisps seems like a helluva package deal. (Presuming there's anything to the name, I also saved a shwack of cash on truffles and rhino horns for DHs lunch box this week. Score.)

Unfortunately, the package overwrap was otherwise pretty uninformative, so several important questions remain:

- Will cooking reduce or enhance the appledesiac qualities of the horney crisp?
- What's the maximum safe daily dosage?
- Do I dose DH based on weight, desired effect, or some other formula?
- How long do horney crisps take to kick in, and just how long are the, er, "effects" expected to last?
- And, let's be honest here, I'm no spring chicken anymore ... can I actually handle Five To Ten A Day?