Saturday, July 3, 2010

Menu of Pain

I recently signed up for a fitcamp. You know, one of those bootcamp-style fitness programs that makes people cry publicly and sweat blood and stuff like that. What was I thinking? Well, I was thinking several things:

1. Look at that lard ass! I seriously need to do something about it. Hey, here's an ad for a fitness camp. I'll try that.

2a. That sounds like a poor idea.
2b. How bad can it be?
2c. It's probably going to be pretty bad.
2d. Well, a little public humiliation never hurt anyone.
2e. It hurts me.
2f. You're such a whiner.
2g. Piss off.

3. Face it, no matter how pathetic I am, there's always someone worse. No excuses. I'll just stick close to That Person, and no one will notice me.

So I signed up for fitcamp.

Apparently all the other That People stayed home this week, because it was painfully and repeatedly (and sweatingly-wheezingly-jigglingly) brought to my attention that I am That Person: I am the person who makes all the other people look good.

Like, really good.

I would have thought it would bother me to be so patently lousy at something, but you know what? I hardly even minded. I'm not even all that zen about the world, it's just that, if I was hoping for a That Person, then other fitcampers probably were too. (In fact, a few looked like they may have gotten de facto promotions out of the role when I joined up.) Those people are probably pretty grateful for my presence - possibly a little repulsed, too, but still grateful - and it's always nice to be appreciated.

So every day the trainer has a whole new set of exercises for us to do. It must be a lot like menu planning, just with muscle groups instead of food groups. I can tell he's really working that food pyramid, because my everything hurts - a lot. I couldn't wash the top of my hair on Monday morning because my arms hurt too much to lift them to my head. I sortof lathered up the bottom and hoped for some form of soapmosis to trickle up to my scalp.

And then I had DH do up my bra hooks for me.

(2h. Told you so.)


  1. AnonymousJuly 04, 2010

    You are my hero

  2. AnonymousJuly 05, 2010

    Aw, this brings back such fond memories, it does get better. DDR