Thursday, December 1, 2016

No Atheists Between Fencelines

Welcome to my first ever multi-media blog post. Please take a moment to prepare yourself for a full sensory experience.

First, imagine a beautiful summer day on the prairies. No one is around. You - one slightly largish biologist - are hiking along. Never mind why; just be one with the slightly largish biologist here for a moment. You come to a fence. You carefully cross the fence. You carefully stand up.

Cue music: Talking Heads' "Once in a Lifetime". Start the song right at...

"My god, what have I done?!"

A second fence presents itself, precisely the width of one largish biologist apart from the first and stretching for approximately all eternity in both directions.

The second fence is tight AF. Like, so tight that there is no way it was not done maliciously. You find yourself firmly pinned by barbed wire on all sides and unable to move. You wish David Byrne would just shut up for a minute so you could think. You pray - really, fervently pray - that no one can see you.

It takes a full twenty minutes to get yourself face down on the ground, and another five to worm slowly sideways under the 100% not pronghorn-legal second fence. The rose bush caressing your face distracts you from thinking about how many ticks are crawling on you.

Finally, you emerge. One day, you think, once the ol' wounded pride has healed up a bit and assuming this doesn't go viral on YouTube in the interim - you check again to make sure no one is around - this will make an excellent blog post. Good thing you got a picture.

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