Wednesday, April 1, 2015

The Laundry Cycle

The Laundry Cycle is the biopseudophysical cycle by which clothing is exchanged between the Humansphere, Hampersphere, Kenmoresphere and Closetsphere of the Earth. The natural processes that comprise a balanced cycle are depicted in Figure 1.

Figure 1: The Laundry Cycle

Some amount of seasonal variation is known to occur in the Laundry Cycle, with direct Human-Kenmore  transmission ("Slopperation") increasing with precipitation events (particularly in toddler and school-age forms of laundry) (Small Fry 2008-2015); direct Kenmore-Human Transmogrification increasing in chilly months (DH et al. 2015); and Clotheslinerization increasing in pleasant weather (Mulhern-Davidson et al. 2009+).

The effects of disruption of the Laundry Cycle vary depending on the phase that is disrupted; the magnitude of the disruption; and the timing of the disruption. For example, family dinner at the local Indian restaurant is known to vastly increase the rate of laundry movement directly between the Humansphere and Kenmoresphere, due to Slopperation (DH et al. 2014). A delay in movement of laundry from the Hampersphere to the Kenmoresphere may increase the rate of emergency reutilization, particularly of environmentally limiting forms of laundry such as underwear (Medium Fry 2010, 2014). Conversely, uncharacteristically efficient movement of laundry through the Kenmoresphere into the Closetsphere has been demonstrated to result in the wearing of the same t-shirt to work on Wednesday as one wore to work on Monday, often resulting in mild embarrassment on the part of the Humansphere in question (Frecklepelt, this week).

On occasion, the Hampersphere and Kenmoresphere may temporarily be observed to be entirely free of laundry. This exceedingly rare occurrence is known as "The Laundry is Done"; however, the state appears to violate some law(s) of physics, as it is unfailingly fleeting (AME* dawn of time-present).

* All Moms Everywhere

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