Monday, July 30, 2012

Pairs Well with Mr. Clean

Have you ever wanted to know what might happen if you (or, more to the point, your significant other) dropped an open bottle of frizzante wine on your kitchen floor? Look no further, friend, because I have the answer and it is this: you actually don't want to find out. Trust me.

Frizzante wines have tiny bubbles that are developed during a partial second fermentation. These bubbles mask the wine's sweetness, provide a refreshing tingle, and cause the beverage in question to ROCKET out of the bottle when dropped on its design-award-winning bottom. For those of you who have been in my house, the coverage extended approximately to shoulder height on the nearest two walls with waist height spray on all cupboards, furniture and appliances, and stray droplets observed as far away as the bathroom and entryway. There was even enough left over to refill my glass while I cleaned up (impressive!), though not enough to keep it full for the hour it took me to do so.

*sniff* I'll miss its bubbly pink personality... its effervescent style... its delicious, delicious flavour... I swear, I nearly shed a tear for the loss. I'm not a very sentimental person, so that's saying something.

In fact, I'm almost ruthlessly unsentimental. Around my house, tough jobs like thinning out carrot seedlings, recycling preschooler "artwork" and throwing out holey gotch or that last teaspoon of [insert food product here] fall exclusively to me. Not that anyone should have reason to be attached to their decrepit undergarments or the final molecules of Italian salad dressing clinging to the bottom of the bottle, but the continued presence of such items in my home speaks to the distinct possibility that the power of oxytocin knows no bounds in some people.

One might hope those same people will, in future, be more careful with the wine.

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