Friday, April 27, 2012

Online... Dating?

Sturdy convertible crib in Espresso stain, toddler guardrail and mattress included, finish partially gnawed off in some areas but otherwise in excellent condition. Only slight lingering urine odor. 
$100 firm.

And... post. Great. That'll save me a trip to the Sally Ann. Whoa - a response already? With an attachment? ... what the...?

Dear RideBobsBus,
Thank you for the unsolicited photograph of your penis. I'm pleased you found my Craigslist ad so titillating. However, unless you actually wish to purchase the item offered for sale I would appreciate if you would not contact me again. Ever.

Well, that was weird. Must be a statistical anomaly. Hey, more responses. What's this attachment about?

Dear peterman1954,
Thank you for the unsolicited photograph of your penis. Unless you wish to purchase the used crib as per my ad, I ask that you not contact me and possibly seek professional help.

Dear MackMan69,
Thank you for the unsolicited photograph of your penis, received in response to my Craigslist ad offering a CRIB FOR SALE. Please do not contact me any more.

Dear NiceGuy4U,
I assume that the photograph of your penis indicates that you are not interested in purchasing the item offered for sale. In which case I have no qualms in letting you know that I am likewise NOT INTERESTED in your wares and request that you never contact me again.

Okay, seriously - does every dude have photos of his junk saved to his hard drive, just waiting for the right moment to spring them on you? And is it ever the right time to spring a dickture on a lady?

Dear wannalickyou,
Really? Do you think that sending spamming random people with a picture of your penis is really going to help you score? Get help.

Oh my gawd. Are these responses to my responses?

Dear RideBobsBus,
I assure you the pictures were just fine, although I do agree the lighting in the second one is a bit more flattering. It's just that I posted an ad for selling a crib and yours was not the desired response. STOP EMAILING ME.

Dear peterman1954,
It means that I didn't ask for it. NOW LEAVE ME ALONE.

Sweet baby jeebus, still more?

Dear sexxxyAndy,
NO, I do NOT 'wanna do it'. I 'wanna' SELL my CRIB. PISS OFF.

Dear FastCarzColdBeerz,

Dear Mary Anne,

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