Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Chef's Special

Medium Fry is just wild about cooking. She is giddy about grating; mad about microwaving; beatific about baking.

So I suppose - constitutional or not - I ought to have known what I was getting myself into when I bought her a cookbook for Christmas.

Following heavy post-Christmas lobbying by special interest groups, Medium Fry makes dinner for the family on Thursday nights. And, oh! does she ever love to cook dinner for the family on Thursday nights. Then, after we have all dined on whatever divine creation she has whipped up out of her beloved cookbook, she hovers around the kitchen, too enchanted by the spectacle of me cleaning up after her cooking (for a change) to leave. Rapturous!

So what does an eleven-year-old cook, exactly?

First, let me tell you how the system works. Every Friday I make a grocery list for the coming week. I leave room for Medium Fry's Thursday night ingredients:

'You can add your stuff to the grocery list now!'

*thump thump thump thump thump thump thump* (down the stairs)

'Thanks, mom! I know EXACTLY what I'm making next week!'
... ... ...  'Okay, mom! Everything is on there! Ooooh, this is gonna be sooo gooood!'

*thump thump thump thump thump thump thump* (up the stairs)

I look at the list and note a conspicuous absence of plant matter on the menu for Thursday night. 'Hey, sweetie, did you consider all the food groups?'

'O yeah, right' *thump thump thump thump thump thump thump*

... ... ...  'Okay! Now it's really ready! Oooooh, this is gonna be sooo goooood!' *thump thump thump thump thump thump thump*

I look at the list again: + side salad!!!

* * *

I tell ya, since Medium Fry started contributing to the menu, grocery shopping has gotten a lot more interesting. I stand around the store muttering things to myself like, 'Ten slices of deli ham, four ounces of cream cheese and three teaspoons of sweet pickle relish? What could she possibly be making with that?'

* * *

'Oh, mom, you're so silly! You bought way too much sweet pickle relish! Plus I can't find that side salad anywhere.'

*sigh* 'I can't just open the jar in the store and put three teaspoons of relish in the cart. And salad is something you make - there's lettuce and veggies in the fridge.'

'Oh.'

* * *

But I never did answer your question. When given free reign, what an eleven-year-old cooks is this: things that sound delicious... to an eleven-year-old. In Medium Fry's case, that translates into something of a "Pillsbury Fusion" cuisine, characterized by processed meat items wrapped in refrigerated crescent roll dough then baked 10-12 minutes or until golden. Plus - reluctantly - a side salad.

Since Christmas we've experienced Turkey Roll-Ups, Hot Dog Roll-Ups and Ham Roll-Ups (for which the relish was required), and this week's forecast is calling for some Pepperoni Pizza Roll-Ups.

* * *

'Hey, sweetie, did you consider all the food groups?'

'Yep! There's vegetables right in the roll-ups!'

I look at the list: 3 TB chopped green pepper 

'Um, I don't think this is quite enough to count as a serving.'

*sigh* 'Fine.' *thump thump thump thump thump thump thump*
... ... ...  'Done!' *thump thump thump thump thump thump thump*

+ side salad!!!

(Naturally.)

2 comments:

  1. always delicious

    dh

    ReplyDelete
  2. You train her well master. xox Cris

    ReplyDelete