"You heard me."
"But... but why?"
"Probably so you can pee without having to completely disrobe."
"I don't like it. Nope, it's wrong. You're not allowed. You have to wear some pants over top. Go put on some pants right now."
"Over the Spanx, you mean?"
"And under the dress?"
"Oh my gawd, DH. That would completely defeat the purpose."
"Well, what is the purpose anyway?"
Men are so ridiculous sometimes - like, what isn't the purpose of a good control undergarment? A quickie Top 5 to summarize:
1. To render me more or less jiggle-free and unselfconscious for a night.
2. To hold my lip gloss and taxi chits, because I couldn't find a matching clutch.
3. To be trusted to maintain order once I've had too much to drink to remember to suck everything in with any degree of reliability.
4. To punish me for not working out enough* this year**.
5. To make your Damn, Darling Husband ask stupid questions.***
*i.e., at all.
***Now, before you get all cheesed at me over this DH, please note that, 'To provide unrestricted access to coworker in fit of drunken debauchery at the company Christmas party' didn't make the list.