Sunday, July 26, 2009

Dead Car: The Musical

Watcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?
I'm gonna pile it, pile it up with all the other junk in my basement.

Frecklepelt: She just, you know, hasn't been feeling right. Sluggish. A lot of greenish goo. For a long time now. And then... no. No! I can't talk about it any more! (bites fist)
Mechanic: (gently) Go on. I'm here to help.
Frecklepelt: (deep breath) And then - the other day - she just died. Right in the middle of Crowchild. It was horrible - took the paramedics three shocks with the defibrillator to get her going again.
Mechanic: You mean someone stopped and gave you a boost?
Frecklepelt: Um, yeah, exactly.
Mechanic: Don't worry, ma'am, we'll take good care of her during her stay with us.

Watcha gonna do with all that gas, all that gas inside your tank?
I'm gonna be cheesed that I filled it up, filled it up right before my car died.

*telephone rings*
Frecklepelt: Hello?
Mechanic: Are you sitting down, ma'am?

Should'a known better than to forsake my car
And take the train when I could'a driven
Now I'm never gonna drive again
The way I drove with you-ou-ou...

Mechanic: 'I'm sorry, ma'am - the rust, it's metastatized. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.'
Frecklepelt: Noo! (sobs into hands) It's all my fault, it's karma, languishing in the driveway all day while I... while I took public transit! (more sobs)
Mechanic: Well, it's certainly fixable. Let's see, new water pump, exhaust leak, coolant leak, few other things - could get her back on the road for about $9300, including labour.
Frecklepelt: Are you kidding? That old piece of shit? Nuts to you, man. (hangs up phone)

Baby you can tow my car, 'cause you won't be able to drive it far
Gettin' me a tax break from, the Kidney Foundation
Beep-beep beep-beep yeah!

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