I Got a New Girl Now

The first time I heard her dulcet voice I was mesmerized. Sultry, sexy... and so informative. Now this, I thought, was a sound I could get used to hearing every morning, if you know what I mean.

It was so sweet the way she would gently remind me which station was coming up next - she knows how absent-minded I can be in the mornings! - and I really admired her patience with those buffoons who always seem to be blocking doors with their backpacks somehow. If not for her, I just didn't know how the world would run on time! What a voice. What a gal.

*sigh* Those were the days.

Then, I don't know. Things just started to... to change between us. I mean, why would someone consistently go out of their way to wake everyone up every five seconds to let you know that you were at one station, then departing the station you were just at, then heading to the next station, then arriving at that station she had just said you were heading to, for every goddamn station down the entire line? Hey, guess what? It's not like they change up the order or anything - I think we got it after the first thousand times or so. Let a person catch some z's in the mornings, will ya? It's just so damned passive aggressive.

Oh yeah, and that bullshit about "this train is trying to depart", could you get any more self-righteous? Like, who died and made her the blocking-the-door police? Take two seconds too long and she's bawling out people on crutches, little old blue-hairs, anyone, totally indiscriminate - surely some people deserve an extra moment to maneuver their wheelchairs or whatever in the doors, don't you think?

And then with the nagging! Jeez, you forget your personal belongings and newspapers when leaving the train once - once! - and man you are in for a lifetime of punishment. Might as well slit your own throat now and put yourself out of your misery because that bitch just won't let it go. I can hardly think with her constantly yapping at me in that grating, whinging frigging voice. Why can't she just shut up and leave me alone for five minutes? I swear, if I hear one single more snotty little "reminder" out of her mouth I may completely lose my mind.

I've asked her to treat me right, but this has been going on for months and she seems completely unwilling to change. I don't want to be stuck in this totally negative, one-sided relationship. I didn't even buy a transit pass this month, just paying cash when I absolutely can't avoid seeing her.

My friends are trying to hook me up with this really sweet gal, quiet and nice, a little 2010 Hyundai. I think it could totally work out between us, but I gotta admit it might be a little out of my price range to take her out every day...